Do you ever just get the feeling that you must have known someone sometime before your time? You get to know this person and, right from the start you're on a roller coaster of emotions, unsure of what context may lay behind this since there hadn't been an opportunity much for the feels to develop.
This has happened to me more that once. Actually I think twice. When it came to sex of my preference, which are men. Both times it was very difficult to untangle myself from the captivity of all that I felt for these boys (being that I'm only 20 I'm unaccustomed to calling them men). And also, both times there was very little history between the boys and I to have had created so much feeling and despair.
Perhaps they remind me of the one I've lost. All three (both boys and the one I had loved) were confusing. All three had given me some sort of security in understanding. All three I had had late night heart to hearts with.Conversations that began it all. All three I never got over.
Maybe they are all versions of him, the first of the three. In which case it would make sense for me not to want to untangle myself.. he was the truest love I knew.
Or maybe they were each my him in another time.
It's a beautiful thought.. but I think my best option is to forget about all three of them and find something more stable.
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